Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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