my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think pants incapable of making pants work
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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