Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
look no pants
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize