He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
