I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
