Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
