I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I love black thongs
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
