oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
