So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
