You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
