I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
