Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
