oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
