Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
