I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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