Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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