I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
