They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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