There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My ATM looks so different sober.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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