I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
