I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize