my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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