This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
