Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
