I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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