she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
