I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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