Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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