In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
