I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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