Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
