Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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