called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
