Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
