i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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