Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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