dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
