I have demons in me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
ttyl tear gas
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
