i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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