i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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