dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
