finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
