Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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