I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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