dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
