I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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