my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
