Your face is a jimmy john
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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