people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
