I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
