What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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