He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
