how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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