Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
