How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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