the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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