i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
