I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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