Who wears a wallet chain?!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
should my penis look like a turkey
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
