return my video game
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
