Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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