Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
