We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
