You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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