I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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