and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
