every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
