Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Enjoy the penises
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
