it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
