Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
