I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
