Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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