how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
